Apr. 14th, 2008

(no subject)i am the product of my decisions. most of them i do not like. things i cannot change or fix, they are things set in motion that i cannot stop mid way. im trying to appear to be in control but i am. i have swallowed so much pain and disappointment i am sick. i have traded my life in for another again. almost worse than marriage since i get none of the security marriage supposedly affords. what is worse is that i cannot get comfort from my friends, i have alienated myself with my stupidity. i want to drink to oblivion to dull the jabs in my mind. i dont want to be needed i want to be wanted.