Jan. 3rd, 2008

another page from the anger diary
sometime in 07. I keep taking it and taking it.this is getting old im being used and ive had almost enough You cant live out here to hid form responsiblity. And you can tell your btich of a stalker to fuck off. oh wait she probably doesnt know about me so she can still keep being your stalker. Or she knows about me and you let her do it cause you think ths is funny. nope thats immature bullshit. Words, just word so any words i say are just words that is some fucked up logic. well letsee then anything youve said to me cannot be believed since words are meaningles. ive seen how easily you lie to your firends what makes me think you dont do that to me. Ya you dont care what is said in your comments then if i were to say something you didnt like you wouldnt allow it. i will hit my limit i do have one. that is why i have two divorces in my past. and why scott is no longer a part of my life. you cannot fucking keep doing this. You know i swear you are doing this on purpose. antangonizing me so that i blow up so you cna blame me for shit going down. Coward way to do shit. you know and knew how i felt and who gives a fuck how i feel. Why the hell do you think its ok for her to come here, i dont like her and i didntlike her before even knowing you. she is a arrogant bitch and a slut to boot. and frnakly im sorry but the whole last minute thing doesnt sound right either. you need to stop slapping me that shit escalates anymore and i will be forced to explode. This is about my limit on this. im not hurt im angry and you can quit calling me a fucking baby, you seem to have forgotten a few things. this is my house i pay the rent i make the rules. fucking disrespectful shit is what it is. You cannot control how i feel you put the shit in my face and expect me to get over it. how about not provoking it. had planned on telling you i was introduced to Garrett but of course you would play one up game with it. Gods knock me out of this oblivion this is fucking chaotic shit. what do you owe her a favor for. why the hell cant you say no you knew damn well i was going to be pissed. See this is where its fucked up. I consider your feelings and accomodate and you dont for me. Fine fine fine i roll over and show throat once again. Oh ya maybe its all a big innocent thing that im overreacting about. So when fighter practice comes arounf ans she starts hanging off you and whispering at you and not tlaking to me at all thats all innocent too? I just smile and not and be your damn puppet. fucking bullshit sure i will see what i can do. And since im sure you will read this even though its not your business Jee where have i hear that before oh yeah about Cay.Im not stupid enough to swallow all that you tell me. bit too coincidental that i talk to you about cays journal and wow it disappears. and i know damn well you tlak to her on myspace so i cant trace it. so those fucking little love notes she leaves as comments are there for my benefit as well because yo let them go thr. So you and her both can show me i cant do anything about it. That is provoking plain and simplet have you stopped to fucking think for a moment that i dont have thse issues with rose, suzi, amanda nor did it with lindsey. Windy i did for a bit. but once again it was because you practically verbally worship her and shoved her in my face. and of course i hear you now saying grow up get over it and shut up. which are ways of deflecting things back at me and not examining anyhting you do. Suppose im done now. most of it has oozed out none of it would help if i told you. you wouldnt care anyway. Now let see if i can not cry cause its too retarded.
Daily Crap
she would call my bluff she thinks i wont do something like that...i think i might give her the option that i will clean her room my way and throw whatever i want out and such and the only thing she gets back is the jacket (cause it is warmer than her other ones) and she will have to earn the other items back...like provid proof she turned in 5 items for the DS and 10 items for the phone....see all this is too complicated and shit for her...she has the mental capacity of a 10yr old... i gave up on the school people. they did nothing for me, again. The one lady that seemed to care and understand and was there form the beginning hasnt returned my emails and she knows that is the one way i communicate. I dont even think marlia talks to her anymore, she was the "counseler" at the school. Oh and another thing MArlia's doctor retired so a new dr took over the office and her patients so i i have a ppointment monday to talk to him about marlia and start off fresh and maybe some news meds or something. the meds have nothing to do with the room cleaning but maybe a attitude adjustment could happen with new meds. i dont know im really losing it with her. done....caput....i feed and clothe her...i dont want to do much else. the last counseler we went to she wouldnt talk to ..if i didnt hate her father so much id send her there. DUDE if lucy was alive...id send her up there and lucy would have so much fun haahhahahhahahahaha
daily crap
ya my head hurts a little but i am too afriad to take anything cause of my tummy. i got cold water and some warm tea...i cant decide which i want more hahaha
Wanna hear the latest on marlia? i asked her too clean her room then she can have her x box back back oh 4 weeks ago i think. didnt happen. tuesday i took her DS which has stuff she got for christmas on it and told her she can have it back when she cleans her room. didnt happen. yesterday i took her phone priveledges. didnt happen. Today i took a jacket she got for christmas form mom and dad that is video game related (mother said i could) and i assume nothing will happen. Each day she loses something else. and i see very very little progress in her room being clean. im trying to figure out what next to take...
Posted at 09:49 am | Link | Leave a comment | Edit Entry | Edit Tags | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Track This
daily crap
ooo i got to watch the UFC fight i wanted to get on pay per view hehehe gotta love you tube. i didnt have to watch the boring parts...of course its so fast pace it wasnt boring at all
Posted at 09:29 am | Link | Leave a comment | Edit Entry | Edit Tags | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Track This
daily crap
mood: devious
my stomach hurts again. this is not cool. im hoping its not the vitamins.
i told the landlord that she is not to let those bastards in my house till im ready...which i said they can come on monday. they are contracted thru the owners of the building which is not guardian managment. Landlord said she doesnt know why they didnt show up and they didnt today either. I told her im not accepting this shit and i know its not her fault but she promised to not let them into my place until monday. i feel a little better but so help me if they come into my place before monday i will chew her out so bad she will wish she never pissed me off.
Posted at 09:07 am | Link | Leave a comment | Edit Entry | Edit Tags | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Track This
(no subject)groups: Inner demons
please give it a good try for me? i will explain better why i like it better than myspace. Martin is on myspace and has a lot of friends that are girls. if you will notice he is first on my friends and i am somewhere in the middle. He protrays a single attitude online that i do not like. going on my space makes me a nosey bitch and dig into his crap which usually turns up something not quite right but can easily be explained, and or turned into my just worrying about nothing. please keep in mind that if i delete him off of my stuff then i cant spy when i really might need to. i havent needed to in a long time. not to mention that when i post a comment to him he never posts it, he filters all his, he posts all his other girlfriends comments. If i ignore all that myspace crap things are fairly good between us. I know about how online personalities are different than in real life. its better i just dont look. Until things seem wierd and i need to look there. Am i making sense?

Not to mention that i can do my livejournal stuff here at work which is where i am at most of the day and can type out what i need whenever most of the time. Although i have been alot busier now that the end of the year crap got flung hahahha