May. 23rd, 2007

(no subject)i sent out a email to my friends at work to let them know tha ti would be gone on friday and told them they couls tell me to bugger off now....man did they take advantage of that one...its definately let me smile again, and boosted my horrid mood. i really need to tell amanda and my parents about martin. course martin doesnt tell anyone about me. I turned in the paperwork to the office today. So hopefully i will get a resolution to that.
Posted at 08:39 am | Link | Leave a comment | Edit Entry | Edit Tags | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Track This
just another fucked up day
groups: Inner demons
We get home and he gets on the computer and starts chatting with his girlfriend from Canada. who ive been really cool about. except she left a comment on his myspace about how he can stay at thier house if he comes up there. how she would be happy to visit and my blood ran cold again. So i closed my computer down and went and gave him a hug and asked him not to leave the country...he just giggled and said he doenst have enough money anyway. like that makes me feel better someone how. i watched heros and he chatted the whole time...so when my show was done i sat there staring at the back of his head and i just said i was gonna go read upstairs....ya that was 10....he came to bed about 5am....

told him i was worried he would leave...he said no...he had no reason....he said i had more reason than him...cause he is lazy and good for nothing...i told him it wont last forever and i had faith he would fix it.

i was nosey and looked at his chat program this morning cause there was one person i didnt recognize...i looked in the history....looks like a gamer guy...that he hasnt talked to in a long time...cause he told him about his ex fiancee.

i feel bad for searching out stuff...but at least i didnt look up the converstaions he has with the girl for canada...i really dont want to find what is probably there...

why cant we just turn love off when we know its wrong?
Posted at 08:37 am | Link | Leave a comment | Edit Entry | Edit Tags | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Track This

May. 2nd, 2007
(no subject)One wonders what life will bring next. Hopefully more fun and joy. I finally feel like a cloud has lifted
Posted at 01:30 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Edit Entry | Edit Tags | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Track This

Apr. 27th, 2007
friday
groups: Inner demons
i know i need to start working on the demigauntlets. And i will. when i get this headache to go away. im watching the VH1 metal moments. Its funny
Posted at 07:17 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Edit Entry | Edit Tags | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Track This

Apr. 20th, 2007
(no subject)Now im certain she knows. she stopped writing. probably best. she was driving me crazy anyway. Wonder what tonight holds. dreading maybe...nothing i can do. Im chewing the hell out of my lip lately, i even do it in my sleep. i woke up this morning with blood all over my lip. i wish i could find my stuff cause my stress spots are back and i want them to go away. I had such a good day yesterday, hope today goes ok too. I dont hold much hope. I am so mistrusting, I can thank Richard for that shit. i cant even believe the good things anymore. I try, and will continue to do so, have to. Some things are too good to let go, even if it stabs while you hold it.
Posted at 09:00 am | Link | Leave a comment | Edit Entry | Edit Tags | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Track This

Apr. 18th, 2007
Sick and i dont give a shit
i hate skipping out on work. but there was no way in hell i could work today. Im a miserable around the house and no fun to be around. Sorry but thats the breaks. i havent been sick in years and frankly im due damn it. Now i think i will sleep. prolly post something on myspace to you since that i where you go.
Posted at 02:10 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Edit Entry | Edit Tags | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Track This

Apr. 15th, 2007
Sunny and warm
Really wish you would get up so we can go do something. Its nice outside and it would be a good time go for that drive up the gorge. But i know you would just snipe at me if i tried to. I cant tell from your remarks if you read my journal or not, but i dont plan on posting anything here that i dont mean you to see. Ive thought about msging you to your myspace since that is the one you check first thing. But i really do hate myspace. Well im gonna go try to wake you up, maybe.
Posted at 01:53 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Edit Entry | Edit Tags | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend | Track This

Apr. 14th, 2007
(no subject)making no sense what so ever. I want to poke and prod and find out what the fuck the issue is, but you wont let me, which makes me feel even worse. You just shut me out. Which i suppose is what you do to someone you dont love. Please understand what i was all about last night...I know there was many places you could have gone. I was trying to make sure you knew that i was grateful that you were with me. and i didnt want you to change your mind. that would have hurt me even worse. This is not about controlling you, i know you need to hang out with other people, i knew someone in particular was available and that freaked me out. but now...im sitting here alone with nothing to do but clean house and i feel like your pissed at me for no reason.